ControlFreak

00:05Let's welcome Dr. Gian

[Narrator] Let's welcome Dr. Gian.

00:14When people make you feel uncomfortable

Whether in your personal life or in the workplace, there are times when people make you feel uncomfortable because they are clearly overwhelmed, stressed, and everything around them feels tense. What can you do in those situations?

01:24What is a control freak?

A control freak is someone who constantly double-checks everything and tries to micromanage everyone around them, constantly double-checking everything, constantly.

01:38Double-checking, double-checking

It's like this person doesn't have peace. It's double-checking, double-checking, double-checking. And the problem is people feel very uncomfortable around them because it feels like it's micromanaging.

01:52Nobody feels comfortable being micromanaged

A worker doesn't feel comfortable operating under the supervision of someone like that.

01:59Excellence is not perfection: only God is perfect

One thing is looking for excellence. Another thing is trying to be perfect. Only God is perfect. We don't understand the importance of excellence.

02:10You expect some level of quality

Who wants to be in a place where everything is just poor quality and... No. For example, right now, here, watching this program, you expect some level of quality, right? You know you cannot be perfect. Only God is perfect. But if it's a low-level quality, you will quit. You don't want to watch anything like that, correct?

02:40Nobody can forever take an intolerable leader

The truth is nobody can forever take the pressure of an intolerable leader.

02:47"I cannot work with you"

I have people like that in my life. They were so difficult to please to the point that I just said, I cannot work with you. You are just way too much.

03:00Impossible to please

Not even the most patient people will live for the rest of their lives under the oppression of someone who is impossible to please. It could be in the house. It could be in the workplace. It could be in church. It could happen anywhere. Impossible people to please are awful individuals, right?

03:23We broadcast 24/7: vchurch.us and Gian TV

You know, we broadcast 24/7. You might know this. And we are using all kind of platforms. I encourage you to go to our website, vchurch.us, and from there you can connect. And you will see what we have on Facebook, YouTube, Vimeo, Rumble, Twitch, for example. But at the same time, if you have a smart TV, you will love to install Gian TV. All that you need to do is just to look for Gian TV on any of those smart TVs. So go to our website. Then you will find instructions how to do it. While we are broadcasting 24/7, nonstop.

04:09Broadcasting nonstop: there are imperfections

You can imagine the challenge that this is. It's difficult to keep a constant broadcast. It's complicated. Not impossible. But from time to time, there are imperfections. And precisely for that reason, talking today about the control freak person, I want to tell you a little joke here.

04:33A little joke: a control freak has five kids

This guy is a control freak person and he has five kids. So the question is, how many of them does it take to change a light bulb? The answer is, there is no point in trying. None of them can change anything.

04:53In their eyes, nobody is capable

In the eyes of this person, nobody is capable. You see my point.

04:59You will escape oppressive environments

Sooner or later, you will escape oppressive environments to live freely. People say, I just don't want to live here in this house. If I clean the kitchen, the next day the bathroom is not clean enough. If I clean the bathroom, the next day something on the dining room table is not clean enough. If this is clean, this other thing is not clean. There is always something. So eventually people will leave because it's horrible to operate in circumstances where there is too much criticism.

05:38Toxic environments make people sick

Toxic environments make people sick mentally, emotionally, and physically. It's a fact.

05:47"I cannot work here anymore"

You know, there are homes where it's just too much. There are companies, even when they are being paid well, they just say, I cannot work here anymore. It's just too much. And actually, it's a good decision. Toxic environments are not good for anybody. If you are smart, if you are a godly person, you must be paying attention to what I am saying, because it's up to you to accept those types of environment. You know, sometimes it could be anybody in your household.

06:28Only in God you are free to be yourself

Only in God, you will truly experience the freedom to be your authentic self. You can respect authorities and follow procedures, but you are who you are. You were created to be yourself.

06:46You were created to be yourself

Whether you are a serious person or a happy person, whether you are a morning person or you are a night person, whether you are fast or you are slow, whether you are very engaging in conversations or you are just into yourself, you are yourself. And you cannot allow anybody to try to control you, even to manipulate your own thinking.

07:15Free in the Lord God, not whatever you feel like

No, you need to be yourself. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, it's not whatever you feel like. You need to be free in the Lord God. And you experience that when you ask the Lord God for help. There is the beginning of the solution, my friend.

07:35"Now we have peace"

There you go. Now we have peace. Much better, huh? We don't want the chaotic environment. Now we have peace. That is what happens when you say, "I'm done with this toxic environment." That is not about the type of furniture or the type of place. It's just the whole ambience, you know?

08:00Rebels in the Bible who were control freaks

Examples in the Bible of rebels who were control freaks? satan, Jezebel, and Saul.

08:09Why satan gets no capital S

You notice that satan doesn't have a capital letter S. I don't allow that. He is such a loser and doesn't deserve. Even Jezebel and Saul has the capital. That's my joke to tease this awful creature. But those are examples.

08:31Proverbs 28:15: a cruel leader

I want you to read with me from Proverbs 28:15. This particular quote, it's amazing. It says, "A cruel leader ruling over defenseless people is as dangerous as a roaring lion or a charging bear."

08:52Trapped, abused and hurt

How many people feel trapped, abused, and hurt by those cruel leaders? Many, many of them.

09:07Jezebel and satan in the Scripture

The stories of these three characters in the Bible are in the first book of Kings chapter 18. You can read that, the story of the wrongdoings of Jezebel. You can read about the rebellion of satan and why he is a loser. And he is in hell and he will go to the lake of fire in the name of Jesus. Chapters 14 of Isaiah, 28 of Ezekiel, even the Lord Jesus talk about him saying, "I saw him coming down." Luke chapter 10, verse 18. It's a fact, my friend.

09:43Saul's disobedience: 1 Samuel 15

But about Saul's disobedience, you have to read it in 1 Samuel 15, for example. Those examples are the examples of control freaks that they were evil individuals, evil individuals hurting others.

10:01The opposite of a control freak empowers

The opposite of a control freak is the one who empowers his protégés. That is the case of our Lord God. That is the case of our Lord Jesus. And that is the case of a godly mentor.

10:17A godly mentor empowers, not controls

A godly supervisor, a godly parent, a godly big brother, a godly mentor, has to be someone that empowers those that are following him. Not control them, just empower them. But the question is how?

10:35Empowering people requires self-confidence

How can we empower people? Well, first of all, we need to understand that empowering people requires a high level of self-confidence. If the leader doesn't have a good self-image, it's when he is going to start abusing his protégés. But a leader with good self-confidence based on God's identity on himself, if you find in the Lord God your identity as a child of God, and then you discover your skills and your abilities, you will start to feel comfortable with yourself. And you will know that you are a happy person all the time, or you are a very insightful person all the time, or you are a person that likes details, or you are a person that likes to talk to people and change scenery constantly. Whatever the case may be, you are going to be comfortable with yourself.

11:35Self-confidence because the Lord God loves you

You develop self-confidence not because you think you are excellent or whatever, you just feel that self-confidence because you know the Lord God loves you. He created you that way.

11:49Then you will be able to empower people

And then if life takes you to a position of leadership and influence, being a parent or a big brother or a leader in your church or whatever, you have this self-confidence properly in your heart, then you will be able to empower people.

12:09Parents, spouses, children, salesmen, supervisors

You know, some people like parents, spouses, adult children, salesmen, and supervisors can easily be control freaks. You see that quite often, and it's horrible.

12:22Let's start in the house

Let's start in the house. The job of parents is to train the children, to teach them what to do. Children don't know that. You know very well that a kid doesn't wake up in the morning thinking, "What a beautiful day. Thank you, Lord God. I'm going to brush my feet, and I'm going to clean my room, and I'm going to go to the kitchen to fix breakfast for my family." No.

12:49Train children with the basic habits

The job of the parent is to train children with the basic habits.

12:54Parents who control instead of train

But some parents are control freaks. They have to be on top of the kid every single second. They don't train the kid. They just control them. And some parents, they love that. They-- that makes them feel good about themselves. You see them in the stores. You see them in the market. You see them when you are visiting with them, and you see that this parent is not able to even pay attention to your conversation because it's constantly interrupting. Whatever you say, but telling the kids, "I told you not to." "Hey, I said not going out." And then they go, "Oh, I'm sorry. What you were saying? You are about to say one word. Hey, I told you not to."

13:38Spouses: "Don't do this. Don't do that."

Classic indication of a control freak. The spouses sometimes are like that. Husbands telling wives, "Don't do this. Don't do that." And vice versa. Wives telling the husband, "Don't do this. Don't do that." Listen, in an adult, mature relationship, of course, you are going to advise your spouse. You are going to advise others like adult children, advising parents or anybody. "I will suggest you to do this. I will suggest you to do that." But at the end, every adult is going to make a decision, right?

14:17Pushy salesmen

Have you seen salesmen that are very pushy and control freaks? It's like they don't let the customer even process if the product or service is convenient for them. They just say, "Now do this. Now do this." It's horrible.

14:34Supervisors, and getting free

Some supervisors can be easily control freaks. You need to be free of those environments. I told you how you begin there with your surrendering to the Lord God.

14:48Codependent: the one who needs approval

Codependent is the one who needs approval. They may be easily manipulated.

14:57We all like to be accepted

We all like to be approved, accepted. Whenever you go anywhere, you are expecting that people will say, "Hello, how are you? Good to see you here." Not everybody will be nice to you or friendly. We understand that. But at least you don't want to be received with hate or indifference. This is not what you expect.

15:24Trying to please everybody

But codependent individuals, they go the extra mile to try to please everybody wherever they are. Those individuals may be easily manipulated.

15:37Be careful with your need for approval

You have to be careful about that because one thing is to be a godly person, but you want to be accepted and you want to love everybody. Other thing is not realizing your necessity.

15:52Our real necessity: the love of God

What is that necessity? The necessity of approval. Which is that thing? Is our necessity to receive the love of God. There you go. The love of the Lord God. That is how you just say, "I'm not going to be a codependent person." Codependent? No. I love my mother. I love my father. I love my uncle. I love my aunt. I love my spouse. I love my children. I love my supervisors. I love my work. I love everybody. But above all of them, I love the Lord God. So I am cool with myself. And there is when you start to think.

16:36Take a deep breath

Now take a deep breath, please. Come on. There you go.

16:43No selfish ambition or conceit

So we are going to review certain things that will let us understand these control freak people. Remember that you cannot allow selfish ambition controls you. You don't do anything for selfish ambition or conceit. But controlling people only care about their own interests. They are not humble at all. They hate to serve anyone.

17:16Leaders who never serve

If you are in a household or a church or in a company and you see the leader being so demanding, but this person doesn't like to serve anybody. It's all about bringing me, give me, do this, do that. I'm the leader. I'm the parent. I'm the husband. I'm the mom. I'm this and that. But they are only caring about their own interest. They show you right there. They are control people, controlling people, not humble at all.

17:55What is to be humble?

Somebody asked me. What is to be humble, Pastor, is to walk like this? It is to have an old shirt and not looking good. Is that to be humble? And I said, no.

18:14Walking bent over is not humility

If you walk like this, it's either you are hurting your back, you have a pain in your stomach, right, or your feet, or some deformation in your body. That's why you're walking that way. Because if you are not, you should be standing straight. That doesn't make you prideful. You're just walking normally.

18:35Not about your physical demeanor

So it's not about your physical demeanor necessarily. It has to do a little bit, of course. You see some people walking into places and they immediately walk like this, like they are royalty or whatever, you know? But no.

18:53Looking clean doesn't mean you are not humble

Being humble is not about your physical looks, like beat up shirts or just looking awful, you know? My friend, if you take a shower, if you are a guy and you shaved, for example, or whatever, you just comb your hair and you look clean, that doesn't mean that you are not humble. That doesn't mean you are not humble. You know, some people can afford looking really good. Well, let's face it. Some people are not pretty. They really need to put more effort to look good, and one of those is to take a shower, comb your hair, brush your teeth, iron your little shirt, right?

19:36A humble person respects authority

What is to be humble, really? The person that is humble is the one that respects authority, whatever it goes. If you go to a store, there is a manager there. There you show humility. If you are on the phone with a company, you are humble when you talk to the representatives the right way. You ask everything with a "please" at the end of the sentence. You are humble when somebody comes to see you and then you smile and you say, "Hello. Good morning. How are you?" That's being humble, being nice.

20:10Cruel leaders don't have that

You know, those cruel leaders, those controlling people, they don't have that at all. You know, sometimes it makes me laugh when I see people that are not humble trying hard to not look prideful, and there's something like this. You know, they see you and they go, "Morning."

20:33Absalom: 2 Samuel 15

Let me give you another example of someone that was that type of person, Absalom, the son of King David. He was a disaster, a person. You have to read the whole story of him in the second book of Samuel chapter 15. The scripture tells us that this guy was a good-looking man, but, boy, he loved to manipulate people, taking advantage of his position, you know, like some people doing companies for whatever reason they are hired to be managers, for example, or in some families that they have money so the descendants have the inheritance, and then suddenly they feel like they are the big potato. That's Absalom's type of thing, you know, feeling entitled, thinking, "Well, I'm the one." So what? Awful, awful people.

21:33Controlling people are everywhere

Controlling people are everywhere, my friend. Your protection is to set appropriate boundaries.

21:43Set appropriate boundaries

If for any reason you live in a house and you have no other option but to stay in there, you need to establish boundaries. Like what? Well, for example, closing a door or saying, "When I put this curtain here, you don't come here. If you want to talk to me, you're going to say, "Hello," or you're going to knock, excuse me, that is to set appropriate boundaries."

22:12No greeting at all

Because controlling people are everywhere. Sometimes they just jump into places. It's like the person that calls and the first thing in the phone call is, "Hey, I told you this and this," and there is no greeting at all. There is no, "Excuse me, I wanted to ask you, did you do this and that?" You understand the point.

22:35They have no real power to force you to obey

Controlling people have no real power to force you to obey. Do not play their game in a company. One thing is that you must follow procedure. One thing is that you are going to obey your supervisor. Other thing is to let them treat you the way that they want because they are control freaks. No, they have no real power to force you to obey.

23:03Follow procedure and do your job

If they hire you to do a job and they explain to you what is the task to do, you will read, you will understand. If you don't get it, you will ask. They might respond.

23:18Find the right supervisor for you

You know, sometimes for certain people, certain supervisors do not have the patience to deal with individuals that are slow. If somebody is slow mentally and doesn't get it, some supervisors are not going to be a good supervisor for this person because the supervisor that is demanding and is quick, doesn't have the patience to deal with people that are slow. If you are slow, you don't need that type of supervisor. You need a supervisor that is very patient and more likely, if you are not that bright, well, you are not going to succeed highly in life. You might have a job, you know, an easy job perhaps.

24:06The man at the door

Imagine someone that is not too intelligent and doesn't have a great education and gets a job opening a door. That's the job. They hire you and they say, "Your job is to open the door here when people come." When they come, you are going to make a phone call and say, "Here is Mr. Such and Such, wants to see such and such." They say, "Let him in." Okay, you hang on, hang up, and then you say, "You can come, sir. Open the door." They pass in, you close the door. It's a simple job. Some people will be happy doing that kind of job, but even then, imagine there is a rich person or the son of one of the supervisors or somebody related with the owners of this company and comes and honks to the car, right? And then the man says, "Hey, you idiot, open the door."

25:12Do not play their game: you are not trash

Do not play their game. You are not going to be nasty. You can be slow. You can be a person with low level of intelligence. You can be someone with no education, no degrees, but that doesn't make you trash.

25:29"I need to follow procedure"

So individuals that act like that, controlling people, they have no real power to force you to obey. Your job is to open the door. You will say, "Go to where the person is." Screaming and honking and making loud noises even threaten you, but you will say, "Excuse me, sir. I need to follow procedure. What is your name and who do you want to see? I just need to let them know." "Well, you know who I am and all that." You will say, "Okay, excuse me, sir. Just let me call just to follow procedure, okay?"

26:06You do your job. End of the story.

That's what I am saying. You do not play their game. You do your job. Imagine that's the case. You call the manager and say, "Sir, I believe your son is here and he wants to come. Are you okay with that?" "Yes, let him in. By the way, every time he comes, just let him in with no announcements, sir, with no announcements." Very well. So you hang up and you go to the window and say, "Excuse me, sir. Your dad says that you can come in and he told me just now." It's the first time he said this, that every time you come, I will let you come in quickly. Next time, just honking. It would be my pleasure to open the door for you. End of the story.

26:50Not a spirit of fear: 2 Timothy 1:7

Do you know that the Lord God didn't give you a spirit of fear? He gave you a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. The Lord wants you to be free, my friend.

27:04Watch Eagles Fly and Broken GPS

Precisely for that reason, I want to encourage you to watch two messages that I am pointing out here. Please, Sebastian, add the QR code here to these two messages. The first one is called Eagles Fly. On this message, I teach you the basics of how to, learning how to become a person and developing the full potential. A person that can be a leader. The other, Broken GPS, is a message in which I explain to you why sometimes you feel lost. Confused. It's important that you continue receiving information, knowledge, acquiring knowledge.

27:48The Holy Spirit must control you

There are passages in the Scripture like Ephesians 5:18 and Romans 8:9. Those passages are powerful to tell you that the one who must control you should be the Holy Spirit of God, my friend. The Holy Spirit of God.

28:05Obedient, humble, accountable and free

If you are willing to stay obedient to God, humble and accountable to godly mentors, you are truly free. You obey the Scripture, you are humble and nice everywhere, and you have a mentor or supervisor, pastor, parent. You're going to be accountable. Still, you are free.

28:27Support the ministry

Precisely, in order to reach out more people, I encourage you to help our ministry by giving some donations. Here is the link that you can go understanding that we are reaching out to save souls. Maybe you are part of a church somewhere. Don't forget to give your contributions in your local church, my friend.

28:52Paul: the greatest transformation

But if we want to talk about the transformation of people that were control freaks, the greatest example of a human being who was transformed of this mental disease is Paul.

29:05Anybody can change

He was so anti-Christians that he needed to go through a big trial in his life. Anybody can change, my friend.

29:14A true Christian is a loving person

The ultimate demonstration of a true Christian is that you are a loving person. That happened to the Apostle Paul when he is writing to the people in Corinth, the letters to the Corinthians. He even says, "You know, if I give my life, if I give this and I give that, but if I lack love, I'm nothing."

29:39Be nice to everyone

A loving person, that's the Christian. You show God's love by being nice to everyone, my friend. Well, I don't like them because they are from this country, because they belong to this religion, because they are not Christians, because they are this color skin or... No, that's not right.

30:02Always tell the truth

You show God's love when you always tell the truth. What do you mean by that, Pastor? Exactly.

30:13Liars are everywhere

You see everywhere liars. Liars are everywhere, sons and daughters of the devil, some people in churches, even some individuals that call themselves whatever title in the church, and they are liars. That's not a Christian. That is not a Christian. Even with the outfit, even with the group of people following them. You know, satan has a lot of followers. That doesn't make them a good leader.

30:47Work hard, be honest, serve everyone

A Christian tells the truth, lives in the truth. You show God's love when you work hard, when you are honest. You serve everyone, and you do everything for our Lord, God. Not to try to impress anyone.

31:03Not to impress anyone

It's so obvious when people are pretending. Anybody can tell the prayers. People in sports arenas, they do something special, and they immediately do things like pointing toward heaven, or doing something like I'm praying, or thank you God. This type of thing. Some of them even, they are on their knees, and they do little symbolisms. We know this is just to impress people.

31:40Everything for the Lord

The real Christian person does everything for the Lord, and it shows throughout his life.

31:49Today is the day to surrender to the Lord God

Today is the day to surrender to the Lord God Almighty, and it's your job, my friend, to acknowledge your sins before God, and ask for forgiveness. If you are a control freak person, I hope you change. If you have been a victim of them, it is the time for you to become strong. How do we do that? When we ask the Lord God for forgiveness to help us, the Holy Spirit will come inside of your heart and make you a true believer for the glory of God. May the name of our Lord Jesus be exalted in your life.

32:26A little humor: perfectionist parents

I was talking with a guy, and I said, "How was your childhood?" He says, "It was very difficult." Really? How difficult? My parents were perfectionists. They won't let me get away with anything less than A plus, A positive. I'm currently at the hospital getting a blood transfusion.

32:49"Let me show you the right way"

So I was talking with a guy that has these kind of problems, right? And I said, "Do you think that you are a control freak?" He says, "I'm not a control freak, but let me show you the right way to do that."

Transcribed from the video and lightly corrected. Spoken words are kept as Dr. Gian said them.